Cats are trying to turn us ALL into cat-lovers

cat by kevin dooley

Litter Box Parasite Toxoplasma Linked to Higher Suicide Risk 
[Via ABC News ]

A common parasite that can lurk in the cat litter box may cause undetected brain changes in women that make them more prone to suicide, according to an international study.

Scientists have long known that pregnant women infected with the toxoplasma gondii parasite — spread through cat feces, undercooked meat or unwashed vegetables — could risk still birth or brain damage if transmitted to an unborn infant.


Cats. They make us love them!

Usually I ignore these sorts of studies. They are retrospective, looking at older databases and so sometimes are not as tight as a fresh study. And, as the authors say, they only found a correlation of infection by the bacteria and suicide. There could be confounding factors that have not been revealed.

I then read something that brought a chill to my heart and may explain many if not all of the unusual aspects of owning a cat. 

The cats are making us love them! Through some sort of biological warfare!

As I say, I skimmed this ABC article thinking, “Why would having a cat and being infected make you depressed enough for bodily harm?”

But then, page two of the ABC report started with this:

A 2011 study on rats infected by the parasite showed that their fear of cats disappeared. Instead, the parts of their brains associated with sexual arousal were activated. Researchers theorized that the mind-manipulating T. gondii ensures that the parasite will reach and reproduce in the gut of a cat, which it depends upon for its survival.

“The parasite does actually alter the brain of its host,” Stanford University study co-author Patrick House told last year. “The fact that a parasite can get into an organism, target its brain, stay there without killing the host and alter the circuitry of the brain — we’ve seen this is insects and fungi, but it’s the first time we’ve seen it in a mammalian host.”

What the hell! I checked the article from last year.

While the smell of cat urine is normally a turn-off for rats, a group of Stanford University researchers found a certain group of rats was actually attracted to that same odor.

Cat urine is naturally a warning to rats to stay away from an area where their natural predators may be lurking. But study rats infected by the parasite Toxoplasma gondii (“toxo” for short) didn’t show that fear and, instead, parts of their brains associated with sexual arousal were activated.

Rats are afraid of cat urine. Unless they are infected with the bacteria. 

Then they not only show no fear, they get sexually aroused! The parts of their brain devoted to sex got turned on! And other parts of their brains were actually substantially weakened.

Rats normally fear cats. Not the infected ones. The bacteria turned the rats into cat-lovers.

Now the grand conspiracy became clear.

Cats are trying to turn the human race into cat lovers. They want us all to love them, even against our own wills. Why?

It’s natural selection in action.

We get infected and then the bacteria confuses our sexual impulses, directing them to cats (Not in a physical sense, just turning up the ‘pleasure-reward’ parts of our brains.) We want to have cats because they make us feel good. 

Yeah. An animal that treats us like dirt, barely acknowledges our existence and mooches off of us in every way. How in the world could that make a normal person feel good?

Now it all makes sense.

As more of us become infected, more of us will take care of more cats. Meaning there are more hosts for the bacteria. And thus more cats as more of us become cat-lovers.

And then we get more cats. How many people do you know with only one cat?  They make us want more.

This explains cat-ladies, living by themselves with a myriad of cats. We should check to see what percentage of them are infected. I bet almost all.

Why need another human when you can have a lot of cats, all setting off the amygdala and our pleasure centers? “Having cats just make me feel good.”

Here is a documentary showing this process. Now it becomes clear.

It’s Invasion of the Cat-Snatchers or something. ‘Don’t clean a litter box. For God’s sake, don’t clean a litter box.’

Now the suicide rates make sense. These are obviously dog lovers who, through the malevolence of the bacteria and cats, has been changed forever into  cat lovers. The existential turmoil this must cause – wanting an animal that will simply love you for yourself and sit on your lap but being forced to love a …a…a cat – could emerge as depression or even schizophrenia.

So beware, beware of anyone who asks you to clean out their liter box. It could all be a plot to turn a normal, dog-loving human being into a cat-loving fiend!

One thought on “Cats are trying to turn us ALL into cat-lovers

  1. There is a serious purpose to this study, but the actual findings are hysterical! I am very surprised that more comics haven’ done rifts on this subject. Just read an article in the Houston Chronicle about a group that rents out feral cats to people in order to scare rats out of the area. Obviously, not all rats are going to scare very easily. I wonder if the people living in the area will all become cat lovers? Kind of scary!

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